Customized

So because my car window is frozen closed, and because I enjoy the irony of eating fast food after doing yoga, I found myself in joyous spirits inside a McDonald’s just now. And after making the girl behind the counter smile politely at my super charming self, I sat down to eat. Just then, two girls walked in, one with customized Nike shoes which looked exactly like something Ronald McDonald himself would have ordered online. They were yellow patent leather with super thick red laces.

So as I sat there wondering why my car was completely covered in an inch of ice while every other car in the lot was dirty but ice-free, I heard the other girl placing her order. She wanted everything fresh, she wanted wheat bread on her burger instead of white, and she wanted grilled onions. I really wanted to ask her to repeat that to make sure I heard her right, but I know I did. I didn’t even know you could get grilled onions at a McDonald’s. I mean, it’s not Burger King where you can “have it your way”. Suddenly, I looked down at the raw onions in my half-eaten regular number three and felt like a sucker. My whole life I’ve been wanting a customized order, but I just ask for whatever combo they have a photo of. And I take it like a bitch.

But the thing is, I placed my order in under fifteen seconds start to finish, with maybe an extra five to ten seconds of charm and wit thrown on top, no extra charge. And this girl took approximately all night, give or take 30 minutes, to place her intricate order. She also ordered in the style of many two year olds; i.e. “I want grilled onions, and I want some lettuce on there, and I want, what do I want, oh I want a sundae too.” Rude.

So even though she left with all the finest meats and cheeses of America’s largest fast food chain, she annoyed all the employees, took all night and embarrassed her friend with the McDonaldland shoes. At least I was in and out and eating in true fast food style.